Myth 1: Woman abuse is a new social problem.
Fact: Woman abuse is not new. It has been condoned throughout history. For example, the widely used term "rule of thumb" comes from a 1767 English common law that permitted a husband to "chastise his wife with a whip or rattan no wider than his thumb." 1
Myth 2: Woman abuse occurs more often among certain groups of people.
Fact: Woman abuse occurs in all ethnic, racial, economic, religious and age groups. However, violence in more affluent groups is often hidden because these women use shelters, legal clinics and other social services less often.
Myth 3: Women remain in abusive relationships because they want to stay.
Fact: A woman may feel she cannot leave an abusive relationship for many reasons. For example:
* she hopes the relationship will get better
* she doesn't want to break up the family
* her partner's abuse isolates her from friends and family
* she is afraid her family and community will blame her for the abuse or encourage her to stay
* she feels ashamed and blames herself for the abuse
* she fears for her own and her children's safety
* she depends upon her partner's income
* she has lost self-esteem because of her partner's abuse
* she has nowhere else to go
* her partner has threatened to harm her if she leaves
Myth 4: Alcohol causes men to assault their partners.
Fact: Research shows that the use of alcohol tends to be associated more with violence in cultures where alcohol is used as 'an excuse' for socially unacceptable behaviour.2 Many abusers claim that they are "unconscious" when they are drunk or high, and that they have no control over their actions. However, a truly "unconscious" person would not be able to perform behaviour that they have not performed in the past, and they will not be able to enact new or unlearned behaviour unless they are conscious of their actions. 3 The real cause of wife assault is the batterer's desire for power and control over his partner. Batterers often use alcohol as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for abusive behaviour.
Myth 5: Men who assault their partners are mentally ill.
Fact: The psychological characteristics of batterers are extremely diverse, so much so that no one pathology can be linked to battering4 . Research shows that no personality traits or clinical factors set abusive men apart from the general population5. This is supported by a recent study in which one in five Canadian men living with a woman admitted to using violence against his partner6.
Most men who assault their partners are not violent outside the home. They do not hit their bosses or colleagues. When abusive men hit their partners, they often aim the blows at parts of the body where bruises don't show. If abused men were truly mentally ill, they could not selectively limit and control their violence.
Myth 6: Women often provoke assaults and deserve what they get.
Fact: Violence is a tool men use to control and overpower women. Abusive men know their wives or girlfriends are frightened of them and use violence as a method of control. When a man is inclined to be violent, there is no behaviour or response a woman can use to prevent or stop his abuse. She can yell at him, she can hit back, she can run away or even withdraw, and he will still be violent7.
Some men expect their wives to know what they want without telling them. These men then blame their wives when she doesn't do what he expects her to do. In this way, men create 'provocation' in their own minds through their own expectations. For example, assaulted women report that their husband or boyfriend abused them because: "I fried his eggs the wrong way," "I didn't turn down the radio enough," or "I went out with friends without asking his permission." Men then attempt to justify the abuse of their wives as "she deserved it." A man who abuses often claims his partner provoked an assault to avoid taking responsibility for his own behaviour and his need to control his partner. No woman, no child, no person, ever deserves to be beaten or emotionally or psychologically abused.
Myth 7: Men are abused by their partners as often as women are.
Fact: Research in Scotland has found that wife assault constitutes the largest proportion of family violence, almost 76%, as opposed to 1.1% for husband assault8. Furthermore, more than 93% of charges related to spousal assault in Ontario, Canada are laid against men.9 Most charges laid against women are counter-charges laid by an assaultive partner or stem from acts of self-defense.
Myth 8: Most sexual assault happens between people who don't know each other.
Fact:Between 70-85% of women who are sexually assaulted are assaulted by men they know10. Six of every ten sexual assaults take place in a private home, and four of every ten take place in a woman's home.
Myth 9: Pregnant women are free from the violent attacks of the men they live with.
Fact: Of the one quarter of all women in Canada who have experience violence at the hands of a current or past marital partner, 21% were assaulted during pregnancy11. 40% of these women reported that the abuse began during pregnancy12 . Some reasons why men abuse during pregnancy include:
* added financial stress;
* the fetus becomes the centre of attention, triggering the men's jealousy and fears of abandonment, which they deal with through violence; and
* abusive men may view the fetus as an intruder and the pregnancy as something out of their control, which they try to exert control over
Myth 10: Children who grow up in violent homes become violent when they are adults.
Fact: Children who have seen family violence can become abusers themselves because violence is the behavioural model they grew up with. But children are also very open to learning otherwise and realizing that acting violent is not the way to feel good about themselves. For example, in a shelter for battered women, 1 of 4 children believed it's okay for a man to hit a woman if the house is messy. After group counselling, none of the children believed this13.
Endnotes:
1. Deborah Sinclair, Understanding Wife Assault: A Training Manual for Counsellors and Advocates (Toronto, ON: Ministry of Community and Social Services, 1985), 172
2. Addiction Research Foundation. LINK: Violence Against Women and Children in Relationships and the Use of Alcohol and Drugs: Searching for Solutions: An Educational Package. (Toronto, ON: ARF, 1995), 3-14
3. Addiction Research Foundation. Response to Consultation Paper on Options to Reform the Criminal Code of Canada: Submission of the Addiction Research Foundation. (Toronto, ON: January 10, 1995), 9
4. Richard M. Tolman and Larry W. Bennett. "A Review of Quantitative Research on Men who Batter". In Evaluation of Treatment Programs for Male Batterers : Conference November 1991. R. Karl Hanson and Liz Hart, eds. (Ottawa, ON: Ministry of Solicitor General, 1992), 135, 137
5. Robert J. Brown. "Research and Intervention with Wife Batterers". In Evaluation of Treatment Programs for Male Batterers : Conference November 1991. R. Karl Hanson and Liz Hart, eds. (Ottawa, ON: Ministry of Solicitor General, 1992), 76
6. Eugene Lupri, "Male Violence in the Home", Canadian Social Trends (Autumn 1989), 20
7. Neil S. Jacobson. "Affect, Verbal Content and Psychophysiology in the Arguments of Couples with a Violent Husband". Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. (Vol. 62, No. 5, 1994)
8. Rebecca E. Dobash and Russell Dobash. Violence against Wives. (New York, NY: Free Press, 1979), 246
9. Solicitor General of Ontario. Law Enforcement Activity in Relation to Spousal Assault in Ontario for the Years 1986 and 1987 (Toronto: Solicitor General of Ontario, 1989), 15.
10. J. Brickman and J. Breire. "Incidence of Rape and Sexual Assault in an Urban Canadian Population". International Journal of Women's Studies. (Vol. 7, No. 3, 1984)
11. Karen Rodgers. "Wife Assault in Canada". Canadian Social Trends. (Autumn 1994), 4
12. Ibid
13. Peter Jaffe, et. al. Promoting Changes in Attitudes and Understanding of Conflict Resolution Among Child Witnesses of Family Violence. (Ottawa, ON: Family Violence Prevention Division, National Clearinghouse on Family Violence, 1989), 7
Type/Format of Resource: Article
Category/Topic of interest: Woman Abuse
Population Group: Friends & Family; Victims / Survivors; Social Service Providers
Language of Resource: English
Year of Publication: pre 1995
Contact Information:
Program Manager
Springtide Resources
t- 416-968-3422
f- 416-968-2026
[email protected]
http://www.springtideresources.org
Associated Document:
La Violence Conjugale: Dissiper les mythes
(Word document)