Many people do not realize how complicated abusive same-sex relationships are. It has taken me almost three years to receive the help that I needed. In one of my most desperate moments, I discovered a group for women survivors of abuse in same-sex relationships at Parkdale Community Health Centre. I immediately felt my isolation and secrecy decrease. At the same time my fear rose. I knew I'd be facing my own pain, experiences, secrets and feelings, and I knew that it would be extremely difficult.
I experienced threats before the violence happened. She told me it was my fault that she became angry so often, and I believed her. That escalated to physically forced multiple rapes and internal injuries. Then it became telephone threats, up to ten a day, and being watched and followed when I went out. She threatened to kill herself if I didn't "fix things up". One time I was forcibly taken to another city in an attempt to coerce me back into the relationship. I was terrified. While this was happening, I was isolated from all my friends and no one knew what was going on. Finally, I broke the silence by going to the police. They told me to "move, change your phone number and tell your ex you've gone straight." I was humiliated. No officer would ever tell a woman being abused by her male partner to tell him that she's "gone gay"! It's very frightening when you can't depend on the police for protection. Months went by before I sought an advocate at the Victim Assistance Programme at the 519 Church Street Community Centre to deal with the police for me. We even looked into filing a complaint against the police officer who humiliated me. I believe that was what encouraged the police to help me and eventually my ex was issued a restraining order.
The group at Parkdale, both its facilitators and its participants, gave me back my self respect and the courage to keep fighting for myself. I learned a lot about "red flags" (potential abusers) and am better able to see the signs of abuse and get away faster, but I notice that I still look over my shoulder every day.
Resource details:
Author: Liz Bibb
Type/Format of Resource: Personal Story
Category/Topic of interest: Same Sex Abuse
Population Group: Friends & Family; Victims / Survivors; GLBT
Language of Resource: English
Year of Publication: 2000
Contact Information:
Program Manager
Springtide Resources
t- 416-968-3422
f- 416-968-2026
[email protected]
http://www.springtideresources.org