Abuse Signs and What You Can Do

You may be becoming or already are a victim of abuse if you:

• Feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep him from getting angry and are frightened by his temper.
• Feel you can't live without him.
• Stop seeing other friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because he doesn't like them.
• Are afraid to tell him your worries and feelings about the relationship.
• Are often compliant because you are afraid to hurt his feelings; and have the urge to "rescue" him when he is troubled.
• Feel that you are the only one who can help him and that you should try to "reform" him.
• Find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly.
• Stop expressing opinions if he doesn't agree with them.
• Stay because you feel he will kill himself if you leave.
• Believe that his jealousy is a sign of love.
• Have been kicked, hit, shoved, or had things thrown at you by him when he was jealous or angry.
• Believe the critical things he says to make you feel bad about yourself.
• Believe that there is something wrong with you if you don't enjoy the sexual things he makes you do.
• Believe in the traditional ideas of what a man and a woman should be and do -- that the man makes the decisions and the woman pleases him.
• (some people) Have been abused as a child or seen your mother abused.

If you are abused:

• You are not alone and you are not to blame.
• You cannot control his violence.

There are ways you can make yourself safer:

• Call the police if you have been assaulted. Charging abusive males is a necessary step in reducing physical violence.
• Tell someone and keep a record of all incidents for evidence.
• Write down the details for yourself as soon as possible after the assault. Keep it in a safe place where he won't find it.
• Develop a safety plan. Memorize emergency numbers. Keep spare house and car keys handy. Know where you can stay in an emergency.
• Consider ending the relationship as soon as possible. Without intervention, his violence will increase in frequency and severity as time passes.
• Recognize that no one has the right to control you and that it is everyone's human right to live without fear.

Look out for men who:

• Do not listen to you, ignore you or talk over you.
• Sit or stand too close to you, making you uncomfortable and seem to enjoy it.
• Do only what they want or push you to get what they want.
• Express anger and violence towards women either through words or physically.
• Have a bad attitude toward women.
• Are overly possessive or jealous.
• Drink or use drugs heavily.
• Have a reputation for "scoring".