Myth: All Jewish men are good husbands and fathers.
Myth: Wife Abuse is not a common problem in the Jewish community.
Myth: Only a small portion of Jewish men are abusive to their partners.
Myth: Shalom Bayit is such an important tenet of Judaism that there are no options available in the Jewish community for women who choose to leave their abusive relationships.
Many people feel that Jewish people are immune to wife abuse. According to Statistics Canada, 1/4 of all women have experienced violence at the hands of a current or past marital partner (includes common-law unions)! (Statistics Canada, 1993) Like the community at large, wife abuse in the Jewish community occurs in all socio-economic levels regardless of background and level of education. As well, no denomination within Judaism is immune; wife abuse occurs in the Orthodox, Conservative, Reform and Reconstructionist segments of the community.
The main area in which wife abuse differs in the Jewish community from the community at large is the length of time women stay in their abusive relationships. Statistics of women who do leave their abusive relationships indicate that it takes five years on average for a non-Jewish woman to leave her abusive relationship. However, statistics show that it takes Jewish women on average 15 years to leave theirs. (JF&CS Study, 1987) Women may stay in their abusive relationships for a variety of reasons including: her partner has threatened to harm her or her children, she depends on her partner's income, she doesn't want to break up the family and she is isolated from her friends and family so she feels she has nowhere else to go. Jewish women may have additional reasons for staying. She may feel that no one will believe this could be happening in a Jewish family. She may also have a strong sense of not wanting to shame their family, and she may feel that she should not "air her dirty laundry" in such a small community. Given all of this, you can begin to understand why there are so many women who stay in their abusive relationships.
Abuse can occur in many different forms. It may be physical, emotional, sexual, psychological, economic or combinations of all of these. The abuse can include slapping, kicking, punching and a whole range of attacks, including killing. It is equally common to experience emotional and psychological abuse. This may include humiliation, excessive criticism, forced isolation from loved ones, threats and/or actual destruction of property and economic control. Many Jewish women who have reported abuse say that the emotional abuse occurred for years before a single physical assault took place. As well, in the Jewish community, abuse may take place when a husband refuses to give his ex-wife a Get, a Jewish divorce document.
You may know someone who is in an abusive relationship or you may be in an abusive relationship yourself. You no longer need to feel alone or that you must make Shalom Bayit, peace within the home, at all costs. The Jewish community has heard the cries of others like you and offers a wide range of services to meet your personal needs and/or the needs of someone you love. Confidentiality is ensured.
In Toronto:
Counselling and Groups - JF&CS offers individual counselling and woman abuse groups for men and women and children witnessing woman abuse. Call JF&CS at (416) 638-7800.
Shelter - JF&CS, in partnership with Jewish Women International, operates a shelter for Jewish abused women. Alternative Short-Term Emergency Housing (ASTEH) is a two-bedroom apartment with a kosher kitchen which gives women the opportunity to make decisions in a safe, supportive, home-like environment for up to 90 days. Call JF&CS at (416) 638-7800 for more information.
Legal Aid - Na'amat Canada offers a free legal advisory service held every Monday evening. Women can schedule a half-hour session with a lawyer who advises them on family related matters from civil law and financial concerns to abuse and the Get. For more information, call Na'amat Legal Aid Services (416) 636-5425.
Seniors - The Bernard Betel Centre for Creative Living offers groups for older women experiencing abuse. Call (416) 225-2112.
Jewish resources in Canadian cities
Calgary - Jewish Family Service (403) 287-3510
Edmonton - Jewish Family Services (403) 424-6346
Hamilton - Jewish Social Services (905) 648-0605
Montreal - JFS of the Baron de Hirsch Institute (514) 342-0000
Ottawa - Jewish Family Services (613) 722-2225
Vancouver - Jewish Family Service Agency (604) 257-5151
Winnipeg - Jewish Child and Family Service - (204) 949-6860
Resource details:
Jewish Family & Child Service of Metropolitan Toronto, Statistics Canada and Education Wife Assault.
Type/Format of Resource: Article
Category/Topic of interest: Woman Abuse
Population Group: Friends & Family; Social Service Providers
Language of Resource: English
Year of Publication: pre 1995
Contact Information:
Program Manager
Springtide Resources
t- 416-968-3422
f- 416-968-2026
[email protected]
http://www.springtideresources.org