The real issue is not how can you help me, it’s how can you help me help my loved one - my adult child, my grandchild - my family member who is struggling. My family member might have addiction issues, my family member may have mental health issues. My family member can’t make it, they can’t get a good job, they can’t get on their feet. I don’t want you calling the police on my family member (Brenda Anderson, Family Service Association, Focus Group, Toronto, May 2005).
Several professionals spoke about the value of harm reduction models recognizing that although women may not be willing or able to get entirely free of abusive family members, interventions could reduce the level, frequency, or likelihood of violence.
Professionals also insisted that the complex problem of intergenerational cycles of abuse, and dangers from adult children and spouses with mental health and addiction problems, must be recognized. Jill Hightower describes what she heard during research:
From their perspective, the women’s abuse started in childhood, their partners were also abused in childhood, it went on, they went into abusive relationships in their teens, in their adult life, and very often went in and out of many abusive relationships. Some of them, in their later years, went into new abusive relationships. And a lot of them talked about their children, and talked about their sons in particular who were now involved in abusing their partners. And then some spoke of their daughters who would have nothing to do with them any more because they felt they had not been protected by their mothers (Focus Group, Toronto, May 2005).
Focus group members speculated about connections between children who witnessed violence or were themselves abused and have mental health and addiction issues, and are themselves abusive.
Jill Hightower reminded us during the focus group about women who will not be ready to leave abusive situations because of those “old-time rules” that Sarah described:
The idea that your future was in who you married and that was your role, and that within that you have certain responsibilities within child raising, and the loyalty, and nothing ever went outside of your family and for some of the women, certainly that we’ve talked to…that’s ingrained, that’s the cultural ethos of the time that you were raise (Focus Group, Toronto, May 2005).
For these women too, harm reduction models that respect their “choices” and provide as much safety as possible while they continue to live with a violent family member may be crucial. Tools which reduce women’s isolation, such as home visits, participating in groups, might reduce the risk or incidence of violence. If the focus always remains with the older woman’s own preferences for leaving or staying, then such creative harm reduction alternatives can be tried. The key is to respect each woman’s choices and provide support to increase her safety, well-being and happiness in life.
Currently, in most provinces there are few options for older women who want to escape from abuse yet want some choice about the conditions in which they will live. Existing women’s shelters do not often seem like calm, peaceful, places providing privacy for older women. Depending on the women’s class background, ethnicity and physical and intellectual abilities, they may seem more or less viable places to approach for help. Many older women may think they are not even intended to house older women, because of the common image that they serve women with young children. As Marjorie said:
I did not really feel that I would be safe in a shelter environment. The impression that I get, and I may be totally off base, I haven’t been in one, but I was scared to death of the shelter when I heard about dangers within the shelter environment, location of the shelter, its in a very unsavoury part of town…a safety issue, a comfort issue, a mental health comfort issue, as well as a physical comfort issue. Whether or not I would walk in and feel that I was safe, that I was in a sanctuary, or I would be looking at other women there who were there because they had…nowhere to go, and then once they arrived there were not going to be looked after, in the way I would have wanted to be welcomed, made to feel welcome and protected and to feel good, the way I felt when I came into the office and saw [my counsellor], because that’s how I would want to feel when I went to a shelter and I don’t think that women …like myself are given enough information to help them to deal with the scary, frightening aspects of entrance into the shelter. I was definitely afraid, very much afraid, or I would have probably gone to a shelter at various times, just to get out of the apartment and away from [him] (Interview, Toronto, 2005).
This image that shelters are not for older women must change. Calm sanctuaries are needed for older women to go when they want to escape violence. In some cases, perhaps, existing shelters may offer such sanctuary, in others either they need to change to serve older women adequately, or other resources are needed if older women are to have an adequate refuge to escape violence.
Older women are sometimes offered a priority bed in a nursing home to escape an abusive family member in their own home. Yet it is the intense desire to stay out of institutional care that leaves many older women vulnerable to adult children for needed “care.” Some provinces have instituted systems to explore alternatives.[1] Edmonton Seniors Safe Housing provides furnished suites in an apartment building as safe refuge for up to 60 days, along with counselling and other supports. In Calgary, the Kerby Centre includes a crisis shelter specifically designed for seniors who are capable of living independently to provide a “calm, quiet, home like” atmosphere and longer stays if needed by older men and women. In British Columbia, a pilot project of the B.C. and Yukon Society of Transition Houses has provided shelter in private homes in collaboration with transition houses. In addition, a specialized Outreach Worker provides the information and support specific to older abused women.
A key element in each innovative alternative seems to be the network of support workers who can provide consistency and support to figure out next steps. Several people stressed leaving home is likely particularly hard for older women:
The impacts of leaving a relationship in later life are associated with various problem and risks that are not present or are not the same for younger women. The potential losses include financial means and security, a home in which a woman may have invested a lifetime of care, and decades worth of the mementos and treasures that become increasingly precious in the later years of life (Hightower, Smith and Hightower, 2001:16-17)
Support workers who reach out to older women and are sensitive to these issues are crucial to helping women make choices about how they want to live the last years of their lives.
Sadly, women’s “choices” are currently limited. Even when supportive workers and safe spaces for immediate escape are available, longer-term problems remain acute. This is particularly evident for older immigrant women whose value is not recognized by society and who are trapped in abuse by a range of factors making “choice” impossible:
I think what we need to create is a sustainable system, which means, when you bring newcomers into the country, regardless of what age they are, they should be able to access health care services, they should be provided with housing if that’s what is necessary, they should be given some sort of financial compensation, or for that matter the ability to live on their own if they so choose to. And I think that’s very important in terms of how we start shifting, what exists today may be for some, some, women who choose those options and for others who have no choice, who absolutely have no choice…and that goes back again to the families, the families that essentially bring their mothers in to look after their children are themselves living in poverty. So it’s a …systemic issue, and there needs to be sustainable childcare provided so that you’re not looking at a mother as a lifelong caregiver because that is so unfair and so disrespectful. So we need to look at having a system in place that takes into consideration the lived experiences of women, or when we bring newcomer women into this community, what are the supports that we provide, because certainly, the volunteer support that older women bring to the system, I think we cannot even count it in dollars (Kripa Sekhar, South Asian Women’s Centre, Focus Group, Toronto, May 2005).
When they try to leave violence behind, older women, like younger women, have complex needs:
…older women, and/or women without dependent children but perhaps with adult children may in fact have needs similar to younger women – safety, housing, economic independence, for example – but may have different barriers to service and therefore need similar services delivered differently (Scott, McKie, & Morton, 2004).
Older women are rarely given priority for assisted housing, yet without permanent housing they remain trapped. Even being at the top of a housing list is no help if there aren’t any vacancies and new homes aren’t built. Affordable housing is an acute problem across the country, as are the need for financial supports so that older women who choose to leave violence are not forced to live in poverty.
Older women, like younger women, live in a wide range of circumstances that are constantly shaped and influenced by economic level, race, ethnicity, region, familial/social relationships and health. To support older women to live independently and with dignity requires an acknowledgement of the range of circumstances in which women live and the kinds of changes that come about as they age. With a deeper understanding of the complexities of issues surrounding violence against older and younger women – where they are the same, where they are different - activists in fields of elder abuse and violence against women will be better positioned to listen to the demands of older women for increased resources and supports (e.g. childcare, housing, legal, medical, emotional and financial) using the richness of their lived experiences, not stale stereotypes, to inform and guide them.
With this deeper understanding professionals and volunteers will be in a better position to work with caregivers – to train and support them to listen to what older women say they want and need, and to better understand how power dynamics and family dynamics affect how they provide care. Caregivers, counsellors, and other service providers, can be encouraged to avoid making assumptions about an older woman’s problems, solely on the basis of age and to resist taking over when women come to them for help, and instead to help women to hold onto their own power and control for as long as they can. Activists, in both fields, can encourage medical, legal and other professionals to ask questions about what is going on when women are hurt, sick or depressed, even when there appears to be a reliable family member providing care. Service providers along with older women themselves can work together to develop a range of resources, to make shelters more conducive and inviting to older women, to advocate for proactive supports so that counsellors can go out and meet older women where they are most comfortable, and to create a variety of groups to provide peer support and counselling, to ensure that older women have information and “sanctuaries” to support them in making their own choices. When women feel they have no other choice but to stay, workers need to work with them to help find ways to lessen the harm - physically, mentally and financially. The next step is to continue to explore these issues with older women, and activists in both fields - elder abuse and violence against women - to continue to collaborate to provide relevant and holistic services and programs that all older Canadian women, in need, will be able to access.
Like many researchers and advocates for older women (eg. Mears, 2003), Judit Alcalde, one of the focus group members, argued that the best practice for working with older women is not a formula but rather a “best practice of flexibility, of listening to women” (Toronto, 2005). Judith Wahl, of the Advocacy Centre for the Elderly, stated that in the rush to create tools, we have lost some of the most important wisdom of working with any group:
We’ve lost the ability to think. …we’re not looking from the person’s perspective. What does the individual want to preserve, how do they wish to resolve… Too much depends on tools. Tools come from different philosophical frameworks. What’s a best practice? So many nuances. Tools can be prompts, but you can’t stop thinking. This is what the systems want—tools (Focus Group, Toronto, 2005).
Any approach used with older women experiencing violence, or tools designed to increase awareness of the issues, must strengthen older women’s ability to control their own lives and find meaningful and joyful ways to live (Penhale, 1999).
Many have argued that any society with pretensions to being called a caring society should be judged on how it cares for those who are least privileged among us. The value of the lives of older women must be recognized or no interventions to improve our lives can possibly be viewed as “cost effective.” In the end, it is not the perfect service which will provide safety for older women but a society that treats each member of society – at the end of the lifespan, at the beginning and every point in between, of every ethnicity, every physical and intellectual ability and disability, every sexual orientation and gender – with respect, recognizing the differences and similarities between us, and celebrating us all as valuable and valued human beings.
References
Brandl, B. (2000). Understanding domestic abuse in later life. Abuse and Neglect of Older People. (Summer 2000).
Brandl, B. and Cook-Daniels, L. (2002). Domestic abuse in later life. VAWnet Applied Research Forum. Harrisburg, PA: National Resource Centre on Domestic Violence. Retrieved July 20, 2005, from http://www.vawnet.org/DomesticViolence/Research/VAWnetDocs/
AR_later-life.php
Brandl, B. & Horan, D.L. (2002). Domestic violence in later life: An overview for health care providers. In C. Reyes, W.J. Rudman, & C.R. Hewitt (Eds.), Domestic violence and health care: Policies and prevention. (pp. 41-54). Binghamton, NY: Haworth.
Champagne, C. (1999). Wearing her down: Understanding and responding to emotional abuse. Toronto: Education Wife Assault.
Dainow, S. (2005). Expanding Access to Justice: The older woman project. Toronto: The Metropolitan Action Committee on Violence Against Women and Children (METRAC).
Disney, M., Cupitt, L. & the Council on the Aging (2000). Two Lives—Two Worlds: Older people and domestic violence (vol. 2). Commonwealth of Australia: Partnerships Against Domestic Violence.
Education Wife Assault (2004). Older Women and Abuse Community Mapping Survey. **note to EWA: Do you have a more complete source for this?
Harris, Sarah B. (1996). For better or for worse: Spouse abuse grown old. Journal of Elder Abuse and Neglect, 8(1), 1-33.
Hightower, J. (2002). Violence and Abuse in the Lives of Older Women: Is it Elder Abuse or Violence Against Women? Does it Make any Difference? Background paper for INSTRAW Electronic Discussion Forum Gender Aspects of Violence and Abuse of Older Persons, 15-26.
Hightower, J., Smith, M.J. & Hightower, H.C. (2001). Silent and invisible: A report on abuse and violence in the lives of older women in British Columbia and Yukon. Vancouver B.C./Yukon: Society of Transition Houses.
Joseph, G. & Whitehead, D. (2005). Draft paper on The Experience of Evaluating Support Groups for Older Women at Risk of Abuse
Mazza, D. (1997). Domestic violence a concern for medical practitioners. Modern Medicine of Australia, 88-93.
Mears, J. (2003). Survival is not enough. Violence Against Women. 9(12).
Older Women for Long Term Survival (OWLS). (n.d.). Out from abuse: Older women survivors (video). Calgary: Author.
Penhale, B. (1999). Bruises on the Soul: Older women, domestic violence, and elder abuse. Journal of Elder Abuse and Neglect, 11(1).
Schaffer, J. (1999). Older and isolated women and domestic violence project. Journal of Elder Abuse and Neglect, 11(1).
Scott, M., McKie, L., Morton, S. & others (2004). Older women and domestic violence in Scotland: ‘…and for 39 years I got on with it.’ Edinburgh: NHS Health Scotland.
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[1] A description of many of these services is available at the Canadian Association for Community Care’s website: http://www.bccrns.ca/resources/cacc/englishCD/membersonly/abuseofseniors/keycentres.html
Type/Format of Resource: Article
Category/Topic of interest: Woman Abuse; Older women abuse
Population Group: Friends & Family; Social Service Providers
Year of Publication: 2006